OK, story goes like this...

I got a guy at work here that's kinda a dumbass. He sounds really country, and wants to be, but he's a city slicker through and through. He asks me to help find him a "woods truck" I find several he doesn't like. He buys a 99 Tahoe and spend $600 getting the rear AC to work. This give you an idea of what we're dealing with.

Anyways, Last week I bring truck and trailer to work and I had hooked a limb in my driveway coming in. When I got to work, i took the limb out of my trailer and stuffed it under this guys Tahoe, sticking out the back. Kinda funny...

Well, To get back at me, he took the limb and put it inside my car that I keep at work in case I have to drive my own vehicle instead of a car from work (happened twice last year). The limb sat in the heat, dried up the leaves and made a fucking MESS of my car.

Now I have to get him back, and not in kind... I have to fuck his world up. I want to come up with about a dozen different pranks to pull off on his Tahoe all at the same time. I want him to be beat down so bad the thought of retaliation makes him vomit. He has to know not to fuck with me!!!!

Start listing them out. Of course I don't want to do any permanent damage to his truck, that's a dick move. But if he was driving down the road and his eyeballs were vibrating from _____ Then I'm happy.

 

Back in the 70s i worked at a Vette shop and when we would get a dick head customer which was often back then with people that had a Vette we would make a big spit ball out of paper and pull the coil wire and stick it in the cap and stick the wire back on. The car will run fine until the spark dries the spit ball out then it dies and we would watch them come in on a wrecker hook.Most made it maybe 5 miles max before it dries and died. We used to take bets on how long it would take them to call crying my car died and won't start. Fuck,the good ole days.

 

T off his windshield washer and run it under the dash to spray him in the nuts

 

Brake pedal switch attached to horn. Takes a little experimentation but if you unplug the right right harness from the antilock brakes, the vehicle does not move, at all. Remove all the seatbelts. Seafoam. Remove a couple exhaust manifold bolts. Pop off the door panels and put large ball bearings in the door that will roll around. Pull the dash, unplug the radio, put the dash back in. Plastidip his rear windows.

 

Load up the inside of the front wheels with wheel weight. I mean lots of weight, like halfway around the wheel. Will vibrate real bad! Long zip ties on the driveshaft. Don't cut the end off so when he starts driving the end whips around and hits the body of the car, tick tick tick tick as he is driving lol. Wheel bearing grease under the door handle. Undercoat the exhaust, will smoke like crazy as its burning off.

 

Fill each front tire with about a gallon of water. It'll shake the steering wheel out of his hands and shouldn't do any lasting damage. The big zip ties on the driveshaft(s) works really well, as does ball bearings in the doors. We used to hook up semi truck backup alarms to EGR valves or overdrive/lockup solenoids, so the alarm would start going off only at cruise. Makes it pretty hard for a layperson to troubleshoot. Nuts and bolts behind hubcaps makes a helluva racket too. Put some tuna in the cowl, should make his precious A/C smell a little funky! Another good one is you cut the top of a 20oz plastic pop bottle off, then use a hose clamp and put it on the tailpipe. We once hooked up two of those giant smoke bombs under the hood of a buddy's car and wired them to the windshield wipers. If you break the glass off an automotive light bulb, then wrap the fuse of the smoke bomb or other firework around the filament, it lights it off perfect! On our beater shop van we had a big red safety shutoff button labeled "Self Destruct. DO NOT PRESS!" and it was wired to cut power to the fuel pump, light off a big firecracker and a couple of smoke bombs...it was funny as hell when a customer thought we were bluffing and pushed it!

 

I KNEW jaquetapus would have some great ideas!!!

 

The driveshaft zip tie always is a good one, dead fish wired to the exhaust, stuff a rag in the air filter inlet so it will start an run but at speed it wont keep up and stall. Once its on the side of the road it will start up again lol. Swap the coil wire and one plug wire so it only fires on one cylinder. Jack the back of the truck up and put blocks under the axle so the tires are about 1/2" off the ground. Fill the inside of the car with balloons. If he's a real redneck put a gay pride sticker on his bumper lol, he'll love that!!

I like the horn hooked up to the brake light switch lol.

 

I've gotten a couple of guys that work for me with sea foam. They are always asking for help with something on the car since me and my brother are always wrenching on our own stuff. A full can of sea foam through the a vacum line and cut it off. I would always send them to the store to get parts and then when they get back Let them start it. The last time we did this the guy took off running think ing the car was on fire. Doesn't ask for help much anymore either!

 

Spray some "interesting" graffiti on his truck with PlastiDip. A huge penis down the entire side of it should get your point across.

I like the zip tie idea too. Really annoying, but harmless. Personally I refuse to mess with peoples vehicles or food at work, everything else is fair game.

Jess

 

Random bumper stickers are one of my favs. Obama and rainbow ones are a couple of my personal favorites.

 

never done this, but i have heard that if you freeze a can of shaving cream you can cut the top off and once it thaws it expands like crazy, maybe throw a couple in the floorboards

 

The drive shaft zip tie is good, but getting a little dated. A fresh update would be to pop open the heater box and throw a few on the squirrel cage. The same can be done under the hood with the fan shroud.

Vaseline on the wiper blades, notch 1" sections out of his wipers or slash the blade and super glue the loose end to the windshield. The first time he turns on his blades, it'll rip the edge right off.

Unplug a rear oxygen sensor.

Fill his washer resivoir with some deer piss.

Jumper the relay for the heated seats to the A/C relay.

Loosen a bunch of non-critical nuts, bolts and screws and wait for the rattles to start.

Stuff a kazoo through his air filter.

Pop the connector off the oil sending unit.

Break up a bunch of packing peanuts and throw 'em in the interior.

Convince him to turbocharge it.

 

how bout the classic confetti or baby powder in the dash vents with it on high?

 

dog turd under the door handle ALWAYS WORK'S....

 

Top gear style, rub cheese all over everything that gets hot.

Take a wheel off his car, and then let the car rest on the tire. Take the jack home with you.

Put the little paper circles that come out of hole punches in the vent cowl.

 

Put a couple of gallons Diesel in it.. will smoke like a Bastard.

Put KoolAid in the washer reservoir

Hook the Starter solenoid wire to the horn

set the radio to an obnixios station ( or put a CD in and glue the eject button, volume and source )

 

To Quote Billy Madison, "I'm glad I called That Guy!"

Friction modifier (the smelly whale blubber stuff) down the cowl.

Small drill hole and wax in diff cover, drill hole, plug with wax, guy drives, temps rise, wax falls out, diff drains, you get the idea, works well on transmission pans and oil pans or on all three.

If washer jets are aim-able aim them at the car next to his, could cause a good fight.

Put drivers seat back then rig self contained air horn to blast when seat is moved forward.

Cut brake lines, cover cuts with super glue, should hold for a couple stops....